Saturday, September 17, 2005
So many things happenned in the past few days...
12.09.05i got to noe... that clarence... has been sentenced to 2 months in the boy's home... can all assholes who wanna noe where is him stop asking me...dun remind me that i juz got separated with my close friend...
Well... i got my birthday bash... everyone showed no mercy... and till now my back is still pain from that... it's ok... once in a year... have a little fun...
How would someone feel... if one of their best friends.... was sentenced to a home... on his birthday... ? how can u have a Happy Birthday ...? How...?
Thank u all for trying to cheer me up... but realli... it's impossible to not think about clarence... My friend for almost 3 years... in secondary school... who shared so many happy and unhappy moments with me, leslie, and edwin... something only we can understand...
Clarence is
NOT bad... he is just playful... how well does the school noe him... how well do we noe him...?
After school... still frustrated... upon hearing that benjamin was outside the B lab... and once again bullied someone... i decided to vent my frustrations on him... confronted him outside the B lab... and kick his backside 5 times i think... till he cried... and i even grabbed his mouth... and forced him to apologise to yew wah...
Thanks peishan and michelle for trying to make me smile...
13.09.05Confronted Jenny during recess... whole group... asked him so many questions... lazy to say out what the questions are... he as usual changed his story again... thus making everyone so angry... and when told to kneel down to apologise to leslie... he actualli did... is he realli sorry? or is he juz afraid?
During Lunch... confronted him again... and becoz he said that clarence had beaten him 10 times... which was unreal... becoz clarence onli punched him thrice... but they decided to wan jenny to return what he owed... 10 times - 3 times = 7 times... and he actualli agreed to let us beat him... Is he realli sorry? or is this another part of his cunning plans? to get us all into trouble after punching him?
As 3E1 has CIP on... we decided to do the beating tomorrow... and we went for CIP... at Grace Haven Home.... the boys played soccer with the little kids... we won 4-3... but decided to let them win .. so we added 5 mins... and allowed them to draw 5-5... but we faked and said they won 6-5... after that... 2nd match... we were against the older boys... some are even older than us... 1 guy in red was so cb... kept on looking at ivy... and said to his friends "chio hor chio hor" ... and kept one scolding vulgarities... so ... i stared at him... and he stared back... and when he came forward... i knocked onto him... god damn assholes... wanna play paikia wif me... cb get out of ur fucking home and play with me...
After CIP ... we realized our soccer ball was missing... after so much effort to look for it... we realized it was in the locked up cupboard of the home... fuck ass... they stole our ball and locked it up... assholes... i would have kicked their balls if we werent in the home... assless bastards...
14.09.05Before recess during chemistry... Mr seah came to class and said "i need to look for Dickson"... and when i walked forward ... he said "Dickson u mights well bring your whole bag along" ... which means it is something serious... when walking to the study bench with him... i tot it was becoz of jenny... and was ready to argue...
Seah : did u do anything u shouldnt have done on monday?
Me: No
Seah: think carefully
Me: i dun think i did anything i shouldnt have done on monday
Seah: are u a violent person?
Me: No
Seah: kick anyone as u like? do u remember kicking anyone on monday?
me thinking * oh... benjamin... wtf... juz a little small matter... *
Me: yes
Seah: why?
Me: is it regarding sec 1 benjamin?
Seah: I'M HERE TO QUESTION U... NOT U QUESTION ME
*show him a black face*
Seah: why... think u big size... can bully people issit?
Me: if he can bully others... why cant i do the same to him
Seah: who did he bully
Me: my friend...
Seah: still trying to justify what u are doing
*look away and don wanna look at him... realli tired to explain*
Seah: HELLO I AM TALKING TO U... LOOK AT ME
*still looks away*
Seah: COME
*walks with him toward the foyer halfway before he said*
Seah: trying to run away.. justifying what u did...
*feeling frustrated for accusing me... i shouted*
Me: DID I SAY I WASNT IN THE WRONG? DID I SAY I WAS RIGHT?
Seah: DID U SAY U WERE IN THE WRONG DID U SAY U WERE IN THE WRONG ?
Me: DID U ASK??
Seah: so are u in the wrong?
Me: YES I ADMIT I AM IN THE WRONG
Seah: good enough... come...
*stood at the foyer before he came out with a shaver*
Seah: i give u 2 choice... (1) u cut your hair yourself (2) i cut for u
Me: i will cut it myself
Seah: good... *passes the shaver to me*
Me: at the barber
Seah: sorrie u dun have a choice
Me: we are given time to cut our hair
Seah: not for bullies... i just need u to trim ur sideburn 5mm
*me thinking " chey..."*
Me: i'll do it myself...
*takes the shaver from his hand... and on the shaver before he snatched it away and shaved my sideburn for me* crap
Seah: now i need to noe what happened that day
*me thinking back... realized it was becoz i was in a bad mood... becoz of clarence... and upon thinking of clarence... tears were about to roll down my eyes*
Seah: come in
*leads me to the meeting room... at least he tried to keep me from the public...*
*i actualli teared inside the meeting room... i cried... i cried... 1st time i cried in school... 1st time ever...*
and i decided to tell him that becoz of clarence... i was realli frustrated... thus vented it on the little kiddy...
I cried... over a something i tot was a small matter... sigh... i told myself before not to cry in school...i gues i couldnt
Thanks Andrew and edwin for trying to look for me ... i was in the meeting room...
I wrote a report on what happened that day... and an apology letter to the kiddy... I apologised to Mr Seah for being rude and he said it was ok... so everything was already fine... he told me to show what i wrote to mrs hon... and tat he had already spoken to her... it was becoz mrs hon would understand me more he say... as my form teacher... i thought that he was right... i thought that i would be much better telling mrs hon... i could share how i feel with her... she could give me advices... but how wrong i was... she doesnt understand at all... Mr Seah easily undertands me better than her....
After lifeskills... she said loudly "DICKSON IS THERE ANYTHING U WANNA TELL ME"
i took my paper and went forward to pass to her... to my surprise... she actually said "u will read it to the class tomorrow"
Wtf... why should i? it doesnt concern my class rite? it is my personal problem... something that is already solved... something that made me grow up more...something that i admitted was wrong... did i affect the class? why muz i read it to the class?
15.09.05During english... mrs hon told me to go forward... i thought through alot... and decided that... reading it to the class wasnt that bad... juz read it... who cares? so i read it out... stopping myself from laughing... and finished... damn... how i hate mrs hon... it is something so small... small matter she decides to blow it big... make it so big... as though i killed someone... the matter was already closed... she said "now who is the one gonna get pink form and caning?" ... cane her own ass la... say things till so exaggerated... gave her a black face and she actualli said "he obviously still thinks he is not in the wrong" ... WTF!!!! i tink i'm not in the wrong? if i thought i was right... why did i write the apology letter? think wif ur brains!! if not ur ass MRS HON!!!! MY FROM TEACHER!!! the reason for my unhappiness is U!!!!! not becoz i tink i'm right... U DUN UNDERSTAND LA...
When Andrew spoke up... he spoke up for the class...not becoz of me... why do i say this? becoz of what happened on 16.09.05
16.09.05Today... before reflection period... Seah came to look for me... and he told me "i know that u have very close friends but u all have a problem in your sense of justice and what is right and wrong" ... i couldnt understand at 1st... until he said that mrs hon felt that... the class thinks i am right... thinks that i kicking benjamin was right... see? she doesnt understand us ...mrs hon... Andrew spoke up yesterdae ... he spoke up for the class... he didnt say anything to defend me did he? did he mrs hon? i told seah "i noe my class... they noe what is right and wrong... they didnt try to shield me... they noe that me kicking benjamin is wrong... they didnt insist i was right... mrs hon juz got the wrong signal..."
I think that the reason mrs hon thought this was becoz of what happened during chinese xtra lessons yesterdae too... she must have thought... that the class was unhappy for me... so we left during chinese lesson... well... told u she didnt understand us... the reason why everyone packed their bags and left when madam hua said "those who think they dun need xtra lessons pack ur bag and leave" ... becoz she always threaten us with that... she think we wouldnt dare... enough... stop showing your pms in class...
I guess... after this... i realized mrs hon shouldnt be our form teacher... she is considering to not take us next year... well.. i think it would do both us and her good... becoz she doesnt understand us... now... i realli condemn mrs hon... blacklisted... i will not care about her anymore... someone who doesnt understand 3E1... For the past 2 years... teachers got the impression that our class is the worst E1 class ever... well.. they didnt think that we would change rite? ppl change... how is it possible that us from sec 1 and 2 would be the same now? we all change rite? but if the teacher has the mindset that "worst E1 class ever" ... no matter what we do... we would still be the worst E1 class ever...
Well... i personally think... that our express stream... is realli very unique... very very united... our 3E1 and 3E2 are very united... very close... i don think likewise for other levels... they seem to have war even... when we have tests... we share questions between oursleves... i think when other express classes have tests... they will think " canot tell them questions... if not they win us" ... for us... have results must share ma... who cares who wins wor... realli unique batch... see our bonds are very strong...
Well... the more expectations the teachers has for us... the more we don care... the more they are strict with us... the more rebellious we are... this is probably the reason why we are branded the worst E1 class ever...But which class has such unity between themselves... i don think any other E1 and E2 classes have that...
I realli wanna thank my class... and all my friends... for being there for me... for supporting me... The teachers wun ever understand us... but we understand each other... After so many things that has happenned... i think our bonds has become stronger than ever... and we are more united than ever...
I love 3E1 and 3E2 [year 2005]
[57 days to freedom][Let me treasure and cherish u]
| a simple day. 9:35 am
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